who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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