I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
