This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
