somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
