Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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