you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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