Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
