tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
