i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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