lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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