i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
