Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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