Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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