Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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