Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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