How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize