definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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