i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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