so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
