Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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