Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
