it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Randomize
