The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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