I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize