Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
