..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
