He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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