census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
