Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
