Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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