life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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