If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
