So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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