If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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