I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
