Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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