probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
