yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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