sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
