I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
