Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
