I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
