dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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