I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
