I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
