is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
