i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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