im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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