Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
