hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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