I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
