I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
