Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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