I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
