my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
