she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
