My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
