Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
