I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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