They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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