I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
