Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
