sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
