I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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