He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You have to summon your inner elephant
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
