I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
