I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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