Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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