Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
