I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
