Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
