3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If that was your dad, he is hot
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can I color on your dick again?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
