so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
